Inspirational South Park Quotes


“See, the best way to try to motivate somebody is to be direct with them – to be honest with them.  I think the whole future-self thing is a lie, and lies are never the right way to get your message across.”

  1. -Stan, 616

“Those anti-smoking people are liars and they’re bullies, and they’ll stop at nothing to get what they want – and that means they’re dangerous.”

  1. -Kyle, 713

“Cheating is lying and lying is wrong, no matter what the circumstance.”

  1. -Jesus

Jimbo: I might have embellished the truth a little, but that's different.

Jesus: Is it?

Jimbo: Well, sure. I mean, eh… [pinned] Well, no uh, I guess not.

  1. -206

Jesus: I want to apologize to all of you for what happened in there. In our competition for ratings we lost sight of why we got into show business in the first place.

Jimbo: Yeah. TV's and beer.

Jesus: Actually, I was referring more to the pursuit of truth.

- 206

Mrs. Cartman: There is no tooth fairy, Eric.

Cartman: I suppose you're gonna tell me there's no Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, or Jesus, either.

Mrs. Cartman: I'm sorry, Eric. All children find out sooner or later.

Cartman: You're serious here. There really is no tooth fairy?...How could you lie to me, Mother? Lie right to my face?

Liane: Oh, Eric, it's just part of being a child.

Cartman: How can I trust you? How can I trust anyone ever again, Mother? I guess, uh to make it through this life, I can only trust myself.

  1. -402

“We've learned that deception is wrong and that the only thing to ever make it right again is to come clean.”

  1. -Linda Stotch (Butters’ mom), 514

“Now I am sick of these harmless lies and little white lies. You know, you can call a shovel an ice-cream machine, but it's still a shovel, Mom and Dad. Ah, and you can call a lie whatever you want, but it's still a no-good stinkin' lie! And when you start coverin' up one lie with another why, now that's when you get into real trouble!”

  1. -Butters, 514

“It would have been wrong to exploit Butters' weight loss because then lots of fat people would have believed it and then gone and eaten a ton of Chinese food instead of dieting properly. They'd still be fat, and we'd be responsible for their shattered dreams.”

  1. -Kyle, 602

“Well, you know what us ultra-liberals say, when it comes to children and drugs, lies are OK. The ends justify the means. We'll take smoking, for instance. The truth is there's no hard evidence that second-hand smoke can kill but, we believe it's okay to lie about it as long as it gets people to stop smoking...It's not necessarily true, but the ends justify the means.”

- Director of Motivation Corp, 616

“It doesn't matter if you get in trouble of not, you can still feel bad. I think you're right, Kyle. Maybe we should confess.”

  1. -Stan, 703

“The best thing is not to act nice, Eric. Uh, the best thing is to be genuinely nice.”

  1. -Jimmy, 711

“The truth is, I haven't been playing fair either. I've been using steroids. I was willing to do anything to be the best, and the steroids made me blind to the people I was hurting. A good friend even tried to talk me out of it, and I wouldn't listen to him. Taking steroids is just like pretending to be handicapped at the Special Olympics because you're taking all the fairness out of the game. But I know now that even if you do win on steroids, you're really not a winner. You're just a pussy. You're just a big fat pussy, and if you take steroids, the only decent thing to do is come forward and say, ‘Remove me from the record books, because I am a big, stinky-pussy-steroid-taking jackass.’”

  1. -Jimmy, 803

“This isn't the news! This a bastardized quest for ratings. Damnit, we have a journalistic responsibility to bring students the facts. Don't you see what we've done? In our efforts to compete with Craig's small-minded show, we've made a mockery of news reporting. I remember when we all made an oath to each other, way back when started playing news reporter, that we would never let anything jeopardize our integrity. Well our integrity is jeopardized. And if we can't report news the honest way, what good is news reporting.”

- Jimmy, 810

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